I am so weird

I am only into the first sentence of Glare's article and I already catch myself asking, rhetorically, 'Why on earth am I attempting translation with my current standard of japanese?' And to think that my drive for Bunka has been expiring lately. Goodness, there is the I3 final exam tomorrow. I did horribly for the mid term and here I am blogging about it instead of studying for it! There goes.

What a paradox. This tiredness I have for Bunka is absolutely contrary to my desire to finish up the translation, move over to livejournal, start my first post with it, and join the Deluhi community, among others. I fear that this may be the start, though God forbid, to the metamorphoses into a fangurl. The kind that in all honesty I have always disliked - those with the inflated dream of 'mastering' japanese when all they really want to say is 'kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii', 'sugooooooooooooooooi, 'aiishiiiteeiiiruuu' and working in japan (read: PS Company only).

Or maybe my lack of enthusiasm for serious japanese studying could be due to this weird sense of organization I have that leans dangerously towards an OCD. Here goes: I generally try to tailor my schedule toward two extremes, either a very packed one or one that is totally slack. I find that I thrive on the adrenaline of a packed schedule, and the haste actually releases tremendous amounts of endorphins that in turn trigger a flustered demeanour. But, when it is time to relax, I want to do nothing but that either. Hence, I find it hard to maintain a holiday diet of slacking and reading, key word being 'and'. Yet, I somehow cannot resist squeezing some reading time, for my own books, during those working/schooling days! Hence, I am strangely looking forward to cramming next week onwards with:

1.Teaching (goodness my official working hours are from 7:30am to 5:00pm, and I am well aware that the hours in print always undercut what really happens)
2. Translating and setting up a livejournal account
3. Reading Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita (I already want to read Moby Dick after this)
4. Finishing up I4 (yes, what a paradox! I somehow have this compulsion to finish up the intermediate series before I leave for...)
5. Korea and hence the need to settle my exchange matters.

Woohoo!

In preparation for moving

Let's get straight to the point: I will be moving to Livejournal, soon.

I have gotten sick and tired of the techincal issues that plague realrandomramble here at blogspot, and the feedback that I've received from current livejournal users seems to promise that things over at the latter are more smooth-sailing.

Another aspect that makes livejournal stand out from the likes of wordpress, blogspot and all would be its communities. Jie has been having loads of fun with the communities there, Deluhists being one of them, and I know I'm missing out!

There is a reason behind my procrastination, a good one at that!, which would unveil itself when I finally move.

Till then, I still cannot decide on the name for my livejournal account. I was contemplating keeping realrandomramble, but I did toy with other ideas as well.

Any suggestions?

This Blog was Meant for so much more

I should be utilizing this blog a lot more that what I am currently doing.

This should be an easily accessible place for me to practise my writing skills, for who is to stop me from writing about anything I want? Each post could be something wholly different from its precedent and antecedent. In one post I can be the quiet girl who sits a top a hill, overlooking the ongoings of a busy farm, and in another I am the gossip girl who needs to gripe about somebody. And I could always come back to the posts later to edit them.

So, why not?

Brutal Honesty

There are some people who wield bluntness as a tool to stroke their self-esteem. More often than not, these people possess rock-bottom self-esteem to begin with, and the only way for them to boost their ego is by lashing out at everybody and anybody, but especially so at those who believe in themselves with a confidence that these people can only envy from a side. Hence, blutness becomes their flimsy shield and blunt - quite literally - sword, which they then lash impulsively in all directions against everybody in the most uncalled for, unnecessary, unjustified ways.

Then, there are some who use bluntness as a good sculptor would wield his sharp carving tools. I'd like to call this tool brutal honesty, a medicine which may cause a wound to sear at a higher intensity of pain than bluntness, but only to heal and mend a lack.

I have met many of such people, from both groups. I acknowledge that the first group have helped me, somehow, in learning to not care, or at the least, care less. But it is the second group for which I am very grateful. I hope you guys know who you are, and to name a few, Daddy, Mommy, Jie, John. I really appreciate the fact that praise is only given when it is truly deserved, but encouragement is in ready supply at all times. In your brutal honesty, you have been very kind to me.

Love,

Tessa

Pulau Sibu

I had a splendid time at Pulau Sibu. Splendid mainly because of the great company I had :)

Such that, if I were to nitpick and squeeze out a complain about the 3 days there, I can only say that the au natural conditions of an island with powder soft sand and a densely packed secondary forest wrecked its wrath on my concrete jungle skin.

I am pockmarked, bursting at the seams with puss, my skin a darker shade from sun exposure, and redder from contact with some objective that my oily-combination sensitive skin did not sit well with.

I have to resist the urge to tuck my face behind any object I am holding at the said moment every time I walk past someone.

That being said, I am fuelled by the adrenaline which was garnered over the 3 days of excitement at being out of Singapore - for a holiday at that - and many physical activities which I did for the first time in my life! I have this sudden urge to go out, everywhere, be it the shopping mall, sungei buloh again and what not.

But, somehow, going out has a directly proportional relationship with my daily expenditure. If I want my next overseas trip to be as splendid as this one, the spending will not do.

A Shopping Trip

Today marks the start of many new things. One of it being that, for the very first time in my life, I shopped alone.

This pioneering experience took place at Charles & Keith. To be honest, I never paid much attention to Charles & Keith, let alone think of making my first solo purchase there. In fact, I would not have actually entered the shop if not for the thoughtful vouchers from Charmaine, Matthew, Sharon and Jarett when Charmaine realized I needed new shoes. My ignorance of the said brand turned out to be a blessing too, when, after googling it (because I did not even know where to find it), it turned out that the outlet at ION was having massive price cuts for a wide selection of shoes, bags and sunglasses.

I sojourned to ION alone after Jie left for class, hoping to pick out a pair of sneakers in a jiffy and head over to starbucks for a coffee as I complete my homework. I did not expect shopping alone to be such a difficult balance, quite literally, of aesthetic and price judgment with a constant heightened surveillance of my surroundings.

Being alone meant that there was no one to help me watch my bag, and back. It sure did not help that barely a few minutes after I walked in, a customer dashed to the counter to make a frantic plea for her lost Iphone. I momentarily suspected that the trio of thai trannies, who had sauntered in earlier and left after trying a ton of items but not buying any, were somehow involved in it. That incident got me all paranoid and I proceeded to try on the shoes all while balancing my heavy bag on one shoulder and holding on to my current shoes with the other hand. All while using my one free hand, which was weighed down my the bag, to take the heels off high shelves and untie laces. Even after I got the shoes on, one of which required navigating through a seriously intricate web of black lace, it was then time to jostle amongst the crowd which had formed in front of the store's limited mirrors. Then came the tricky balance of walking in 4 inch heels (which I have not worn in ages), while carrying the bag and the shoes, in order to gauge the comfort. I continued this art of tipping, bending, squeezing, trying, looking, walking, amidst some help from the rather attentive service staff, before finally settling on a pair of white gladiator sandals.

(I was about to post a picture of my feet in the shoes. But I refrained, reason being the horribly thick cankles encased within them, courtesy of a movement-restraining exam period and the awesome penang buffet last night, I shall upload a better photograph when I deem my ankles fit!)

Anyway, Jie and I had an awesome time at Bobbi Brown and F.I.S.H. after that! I cannot help but smile in pleasant anticipation that today was a sneak peak at what's to come in June. I'm sure we'll have a blast then!

I am back, but I might be leaving soon.

Exams are over.

I have probably said that phrase many times, in many ways. I remember almost shrieking it out loud a friend, a day late actually, since her exams ended one day after mine. But I also recall saying it softly with a stinging resign as I came to a full realization that now comes the agonizing waiting part.

That being said, I must get back to blogging regularly. But Blogspot is not exactly the most conducive platform for this.